Making Peace With Your Body BEFORE Pregnancy

This topic has been on my mind for a long time now… My relationship with my body has been on my mind for years (years!) before today, and even months before trying to get pregnant, one of my main concerns was about how a (daily) changing body in pregnancy would affect me.

And today, over five months pregnant, this growing body I have amazes me, but in the background, there is a fear I haven’t heard in a long, long time. And, it has a response.

I’m in eating disorder recovery and many people ask if I feel “recover-ed,” like it’s the end of it forever. And, I always say no. Because I’ve relapsed before. And because I’m still having these thoughts. I don’t act on them anymore, but that the thoughts are still around regularly, I can’t say they’ll ever truly go away. Continue reading Making Peace With Your Body BEFORE Pregnancy

Pregnancy Update at 19 Weeks: It’s A…!

I have to admit, this isn’t a new “mom blog,” but this pregnancy is a huge part of my life. As a first-time (soon-to-be-) mother, there are some wild things going on that I think others can relate to… and it seems we’re not talking about these things because, before I got pregnant, I truly had no idea what it would be like.

Note: I also want to be sensitive to those women and couples who wish to be pregnant and cannot, have not, or will not ever bear a child. What I’m about to say has to do with my experience – something I value as a privilege. I don’t mean to offend anyone else or their experiences in trying to grow a family of their own. Please know, though, that I am excited and want to share my excitement, as well as shine some light on what it’s been like to grow a human…

Each Friday turns a new week in my pregnancy and this week it’s 19 weeks – baby’s the size of a mango, apparently! We had our anatomy ultrasound a week ago to see how babe’s doing and to see the gender!

It was still a bit early, as they like to do this around 20 weeks, so I’ll go back in a month to see some additional parts of the anatomy she was unable to see in the scan. She and my doctor were not worried – baby and I are healthy! The ultrasound tech was very kind and wrapped our gender in an envelope to open at home between just me and my husband.

We went right home and opened it!!! But, we didn’t tell our families for another week, which would have been simple now that we live in a different state, but I went to Florida and stayed with my parents, and my husband stayed with his for a couple of days prior to our announcement!

My parents were understanding that we wanted to wait until everyone was together, but that didn’t stop my mom from asking things like, “So, what’s his nursery going to be like?” and “Are you excited for another girl in the family?” just to get a rise out of me and judge my reaction. I was surprised by how well I did with saying, “it” and “the baby” and not “he” or “she.” My mom thinks I slipped and said “he” once, but I’m sure I said “it.”

I worked a tournament and several people asked if we knew… I eventually said no I didn’t know because I couldn’t continue keeping it from people asking!

On the day of the reveal, my oldest sister and her four kiddos, plus my parents and my husband’s parents all gathered on Tuesday, May 28 (also my birthday!). We video messaged with my aunt and sister, too.

All day I was at my parent’s house making cake pops with colored filling, cleaning up any remnants of what color it could be and worried I’d miss some spots with the white chocolate coating and reveal the color (pink or blue) before anyone bit into one.gender reveal 1

Finally, everyone grabbed a cake pop and bit into it at the same time. Inside… PINK! Baby Green is a GIRL!

  • Currently craving: Spicy food and juicy fruit (especially oranges and pineapple). Give me all the red pepper flakes, Cholula hot sauce, and buffalo sauce! It’s apparently an old wives’ tale that craving spicy food means you’re having a boy… not for me!
  • Feeling (physically): Great! I have my energy back and sometimes forget I’m pregnant. I’m constantly hearing people (my husband and my parents) tell me to slow down, sit down, stop lifting that… I’m also not feeling any kicks yet!
  • Feeling (emotionally): Had my first breakdown in a restaurant. A friend and I were talking about being a new mom and I started crying that my mom didn’t automatically feel these natural maternal instincts and I probably wouldn’t, either. And, my sister is such a natural and I don’t feel that. Wah! It’s normal and I know worrying solves nothing. Even if I don’t feel natural at being a mom right away (Hello! I’ve not been a mom in all 31 years of my life!), I will love her and support her and that’s something I know I can do.
  • Body: Constantly changing. Most notably, my chest seems to grow every day. Pregnancy is wild. And awesome. My body is not mine anymore for now and I’m treating it as well as I can!
  • Drinking: All the water! Funny how I struggled to drink 8 cups per day before becoming pregnant and now I drink over 80 oz. per day because I’m so darn thirsty.
  • Exercise: Walking a lot. Lifting a couple of times per week. I had been running 1-2 times per week, but that’s not as easy anymore, and I’m not as consistent with it. (It’s okay! I’m still active and healthy for me and babe!)

Thank you for your support on this journey!

Follow me on Twitter @SloaneDear and send me a message if you’d like to hear more about a certain topic!team girl1

NEDA Week – Freedom Outweighs Comparison

It’s National Eating Disorders Awareness (NEDA) week with the theme Come as you are… not as you think you should be. The NEDA website says that the theme was intended to improve inclusivity among eating disorders and sharing one’s story should allow people to know that their own “experiences are valid and welcome, no matter where they are in relation to food or their bodies.”

This got me thinking about the broader picture. For instance, there is a large population of people who don’t necessarily identify with having an eating disorder, per se, or have not been diagnosed with one, but rather, they have a strained relationship with food, their body, the beliefs they carry and the behaviors they partake in because of it. Hey – it’s not your fault, it’s the society we live in. Continue reading NEDA Week – Freedom Outweighs Comparison

Three Steps to A Better Body Relationship

There is a lot of hype these days around “Self Love” and “Body Love” or “Body Positivity.” They’re buzzwords that we crave but most of us feel confused on how others seem to just have it when we often don’t know what it feels like.

Just love yourself. Whatever you look like, that’s enough. It’s who you are inside that counts.

It’s easy to say. It’s easy for me to say as a white woman with a socially accepted body. We know it’s not easy for everyone to believe, but isn’t it safe to assume a skinny person might love him- or herself more than someone stigmatized and overweight? Yep. Continue reading Three Steps to A Better Body Relationship